(With reference to a conflict situation in the forum:)
I felt strife, conflict and confusion. A feeling I should chose between those two. Taking up a certain stand. Defending someone.
It is extremely recognizable to feel this way and also fear conflict and confrontation. Not that I avoid them, I create them myself on a regular basis. But that’s the difference. When I create them myself, it’s not so scary because then I have the control (HA!). When I’m a witness, it makes me a little helpless (?).
Do I have a question about this? Somewhere I do, but I don’t know what it is, exactly. I called this topic ‘oversensitive’. That’s a clue to be sure. Am I being oversensitive about my reaction or is that an Automatic Pilot?
Yes, this is a well-known consequence of your judgement-concept. What is happening here is growth. Both energies in conflict can – giving the experience of this discussion – choose consciously how they want to shape themselves. Who they want to be. That’s the process.
You can give this process an extra dimension, by looking for YOUR mirrors in this conflict. You started doing that by entering into conversation with me. Bravo!
But ‘using’ this discussion doesn’t mean you should feel responsible for the course or the effects of it.
About feeling helpless:
Fear of falling short of expectations, without being sure what expectations exactly?
You are very occupied with end result. And you want to manoeuvre to an end result you would consider ‘good’. If you don’t have that control, it might feel helpless indeed. But nobody is helpless. You always have a choice.
You are oversensitive to moods, with a enormous sense of responsibility to maintain a good atmosphere. Scared you could not handle a ‘bad atmosphere’.
I tell you: you can handle anything. It’s growth. It’s all growth.
First of all: responding to a discussion does not make you part of the concerning content of the discussion. I’d like to quote YOU: I am affected by this conflict situation and therefore I’m part of the process, not part of the conflict.
Every situation, including a conflict as currently played out on this forum, offers a personal process to every one involved. Often even more than one process.
And every energy is involved as soon as the conflict is witnessed.
One might recognize the reflection of the mirrors and starts to work on the process(es), an other might chose not to look at this conflict anymore. It doesn’t matter what approach is taken. As long as it’s consciously done.
Secondly: what is wrong with the oppertunity to discover and/or reconnect with your Automatic Pilots? There’s no failure in that. No weakness. No demerit. It’s all growth.
Why does it hurt? Look at that pain. What does it want to tell you? Embrace this pain and look at the discussion again. Without judgement.The distrust. The defence mechanisms. Everything you see. Everything you feel. Smile to it. They offer you the space to choose something else. They’re not holding you down. You are.
Because it should happen in a different way. Without the anger, without the hurt.
Why? What’s wrong with anger? What’s wrong with hurt? They’re just messengers. To show you who you are and give you the opportunity to choose a new form. And you want that taken away?
But there’s love between these two people. Why have they lost that?
Wait just a minute. Their love is not lost. YOU are the one relating ‘anger’ to ‘loveless’. That, my darling, is a judgement.
Why did they forget what the essence is?
Why do you think they forget what the essence is? What if I would tell you they are more occupied with the essence then ever before?
Why did they forget what it’s all about?
They did not forget. Quite the contrary. It’s getting more clear by the minute.
Why don’t they recognize and realize who they really are?
That’s YOUR perception. YOUR way of looking at this conflict. It is certainly NOT how it is. Again: quite the contrary!
From Energy to Energy,